Green Lagoon
by jm1681
Summary: Revy and Rock have a St. Patrick's Day drink at the Yellow Flag, when Shenhua and Leigarch show up to do the same. A short St. Patty's day one-shot for one of my loyal readers. Please Review.


_Hello again :)_

_So early this morning, a loyal reader asked me to write a Saint Patrick's day omake. I haven't done a spur of the moment fic for a while, so I figured; why not? The idea itself seemed plenty fun, so I took a stab at it, and about an hour after starting, I found myself at a place I called comfortable for a fic like this. It's nothing big or spectacular, just a little fun for my two favorite pawns :)_

_I still don't own Black Lagoon, and 'Captain Bardiel', this one's for you ;)_

* * *

"It sure is quiet for a day like today," Rock commented from his barstool.

The Yellow Flag was indeed far less out of control than usual this Saint Patrick's day. Dutch had called an early night, having worked on the Lagoon's engine for the better part of the day, while Benny was preoccupied with his nymphomaniac of a partner. This left the Lagoon Company's resident and always unofficial pair alone at the Yellow Flag this Thursday night, arguably one of the quietest nights this week.

Revy let out a gag after downing her shot, bringing Rock to sigh, "You know, you don't _have_ to drink straight Midori, just because it's Saint Patrick's day, Revy."

A little green herself, Revy took a deep breath and picked up the next Midori shot Bao had lined up for her. Staring at the incredibly sweet green booze, Revy swallowed the lump in her throat and replied, "Can't get a fuckin' green beer in this place; I have to drink somethin' green."

She pounded the shot back, and again her right hand flew to her lips to hold back a gag. Rock merely shook his head, "You're gonna regret this."

"Fuck off, dumbass," Revy spat.

Not thinking much of her comment, Rock replied, "On the Brightside, at least no one is here to see you like this."

"We here now!" A sharply toned Taiwanese woman happily exclaimed. Rock and Revy quickly turned towards the door to find Shenhua and Leigarch making their way over to the bar.

Upon looking back to see her rival and the leprechaun approaching, Revy's eyes fell shut as she turned back to the bar and spoke under her breath, "Fuck me."

Leigarch leaned over the bar, loudly ordering in his thick Irish accent, "I'll have a pint'a Guiness." He turned to Shenhua who was just sitting down beside Revy, "What about you, sister?"

"Baiju!" Shenhua replied, still sounding quite jolly.

While she hadn't done anything to directly irritate Revy, just being beside her rival had the gunslinger seething. Just when she thought she couldn't get any more helplessly aggravated, Leigarch called, "Ah! Look at you, ya lass; drinkin' Midori just to drink somethin' green!"

"Wow. Figure that out yourself, ya fuckin' leprechaun?" Revy snidely asked before again gagging slightly.

Ignoring her completely, Leigarch turned to Rock, "What about you?"

Put on the spot by the loud Irishman who was _right_ in Rock's face, the businessman from Japan replied, "Just a Bacardi."

"Just a fokin' Bacardi?" Leigarch barked. "Where's your fokin' Saint Patty's day spirit?"

"You do know I'm Japanese, right?" Rock innocently asked.

"BAH! Everyone's Irish on Saint Patty's day!" Leigarch replied. "Hey foke-ass; where's my fokin' pint?"

Not amused by the Irishman's comment, Bao slammed the pint of Guiness on the bar, sure to spill a good amount of it, as well as get some on his customer. However, Leigarch was already _well_ into drunk, and hardly even batted an eyelash at what Bao had so obviously done.

"So what the foke are you two doin' here by your lonesome?" Leigarch asked. "This a romantic night off?"

"You say wrong thing, Leigarch," Shenhua replied while Revy's blood boiled further. "These two never admit they together."

"Because we're not!" Rock defended, one might say a little _too_ quickly. His follow-up wasn't much better, "I would never try to be with Revy!"

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean, dumbass?" Revy asked of Rock's comment. Her tone became layered with anger, "What, am I not fuckin' good enough for ya?"

Judging by the look on Revy's face, Rock could see he fucked up pretty good. Leigarch dropped his chin on Rock's shoulder, again right in his face as he spoke, "Uh-oh! Now you've gone and upset the pretty lady!"

He let out a loud laugh, but, when the Irishman looked to Revy and Shenhua, he noticed what appeared to be gills on the sides of their faces. His expression fell flat and he blinked his eyes a few times, just to make sure what he was seeing was real. Unfortunately for him, the gills he saw weren't going anywhere fast.

"What the…?" Leigarch quietly asked.

Noticing he'd come to a near full-stop, Shenhua asked, "You alright?"

"I…uh…" He incoherently rambled as he straightened himself out, pulling his chin from Rock's shoulder.

"What the fuck is wrong with him?" Revy asked. Suddenly she remember just who she was looking at, "Wait a minute, is he-"

"He try something new tonight, I tell him it bad idea to mix with alcohol, but he no listen," Shenhua interrupted.

"SEA MONKEYS! FOKIN' SEA MONKEY'S RIGHT HERE IN THE FOKIN' BAAAR!" Leigarch cried, as he pointed towards Shenhua and Revy. "SWEET MOTHER'A CHRIST THEIR FOKIN' BIG AS ME!"

It was right then and there that Revy had completely forgotten about Rock's comment and grinned from ear to ear. She could get into a fight with Shenhua in a matter of seconds; however, with such a golden opportunity right in front of her, she couldn't help herself. She turned to her Taiwanese rival, a devious grin on her face as she asked, "Say, Chinglish; want to have a little fun?"

Observing Leigarch as he took step after fearful step away from the bar, Shenhua saw what Revy was planning and smiled wide, "This fun idea, I like very much!"

They stood from their barstools and Rock asked, "Wait, what are you two…"

Both Shenhua and Revy raised their arms in a ghostly manner, and slowly approached a now shivering Leigarch. As they stepped closer to him, they both made spooky sounds, doing everything they could to freak him out even more.

"OH FOKIN' HELL, THEY'RE COMIN' FOR ME!" Leigarch roared. "TAKE ALL MY FOKIN' MONEY JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Just as he turned to run out the door, he tripped on a slightly raised beam in the floor, and fell flat on his face, completely out cold. It wasn't often Revy and Shenhua could enjoy mutual laughter, but this certainly called for it. They were both nearly doubled over they were laughing so hard. After making their way back to the bar, Rock's eyes followed Revy as she sat down, and he asked, "What the hell was that about?"

"You heard him; the fuckin' mick is tripping his balls off," Revy cheerfully commented as she picked up her next shot of Midori. She didn't think anything of it as she tossed it back, then it hit her again just how awful a drink it was by itself. Her hand flew to her lips and she muffled out, "Fucking hell."

"You want try this instead?" Shenhua asked of the Baiju she was nursing.

Still looking very disgusted by that last shot, Revy replied, "Fuck no; that shit's like lighter fluid."

Feeling a bit macho in the moment, Rock reached over and took Revy's next shot of Midori. Immediately she smiled, knowing full well he'd be paying for his arrogance in just a second. "How bad could it really be?" Rock asked as he sniffed the liquor. Not thinking anything of the incredibly sweet aroma, he quickly knocked the shot back.

He was fine… for a second, then his eyes widened and his hand flew to his lips. He coughed a few times, his face instantly redder than it had ever been, and on cue, Revy and Shenhua again burst out laughing.

"Why the fuck are you drinking that?" Rock barked.

"I told you, Rock; it's fuckin' Saint Patty's day!"

"You're not even religious, Revy!" Rock retorted.

"Yeah, but this is my kinda holiday. Drink all fuckin' day…" The silence in the Yellow Flag was interrupted as a massive brawl broke through the door. Revy smiled as she drew her cutlasses, and finished, "…fight all fuckin' night!"

Rock turned to observe the chaos unfolding at the front of the bar, while behind him, Bao had pulled his shotgun out from behind the bar. The proprietor of the Yellow Flag was really getting tired of rebuilding his bar, roaring as always when this big a melee broke out, "Take that outta my bar dammit!"

Revy pulled Rock over the bar with her, while Shenhua hopped over. As always, Bao immediately got _right_ in Revy's face, "REVY! Are you friends with these assholes?"

"They just walked in off the street, ya dumbass!" Revy shouted back. "How the fuck should I know who they are?"

Bao peeked over the bar, watching as his tables and chairs got mangled even further, "What a damn mess!" He turned back to Revy who was now drinking straight from the bottle of Midori. Bao roughly grabbed the bottle from her, and immediately her cutlass filled hand came across her lips. Her eyes were wide, and her cheeks full of unswallowed booze.

"Revy are you-"

"Take care'a these fuckers and your tab's on me tonight!" Bao shouted in Two-hands' face, interrupting Rock.

Revy's eyes perked up, and she swallowed the grotesque booze in her mouth. In the meantime, Shenhua looked out to the floor to find the fight was taking place pretty much on top of Leigarch, "They walking on him and he still asleep. I warn him this happen!"

Revy looked out above the bar and smiled. She turned back to Bao and double-checked what he had said, "Tab's free tonight, right?"

"Just get'em the hell outta my bar!" Bao roared.

She racked her cutlass against the ice chest beneath the bar, and turned to Shenhua, "Up for a little game, Chinglish?"

"I guess I help him," she replied as she drew her twin blades.

"You go right, I'll go left."

"I know he big idiot, but please no shoot my ride?" Shenhua asked.

"Got it," Revy replied as she was set to hop over the bar.

Just before she could leap however, she felt Rock's hands on her bicep. She turned to him and he addressed her, his concern evident on his face, "Be careful."

Revy smiled her very favorite smile. That wide, toothed grin that sent a chill up Rock's spine every time. "Relax, Rocky baby."

She leapt over the bar and the shooting quickly commenced. Shenhua twirled about the melee, severing arms legs and hands, while Revy simply put neat little holes in each of her targets. As Bao and Rock watched on, Bao shouted, "Dammit! That one is makin' a bigger mess than Revy! How am I supposed to get all this blood out of the wood and furniture?" With no one else to blame, Bao turned to Rock and unloaded on him, "This is all your fault! You're payin' me for all this damage, ya hear me?"

"Me? What the hell did I do?" Rock barked back.

The two trailed off arguing incoherently when over the roar of the gunfire, and screams of the dismembered, Revy's cheerful wail sang out once more, "Happy fuckin' Saint Patty's day!"

* * *

_Now I know what you're thinking, "A jm fic in which Revy and Rock don't sleep together, make out, or even kiss?"_

_Yeah, I really never thought this day would come either, and honestly, I had intended to take it there (I **ALWAYS** intend to take it there), but that last line seemed to be the perfect place to wrap up this particular one-shot ;)_

_If you made it this far, I thank you for reading, and hope you all have a safe and happy Saint Patrick's Day :)  
__-jm_


End file.
